Executive women

One of the most common pieces of business advice to almost anyone seeking to build their business or career – no matter what the profession – is to seek the counsel of a mentor. It’s become almost one of those things people ‘tick off’ on the list – and many organisations incorporate formal coaching and mentorship into their development programs.

However, there’s something to be said for seeking out someone who brings a completely different perspective. Someone who can listen, challenge and provoke… someone to help chair the ‘internal/infernal committee’ that goes on in so many of our heads.

This year I’ve had the pleasure of being a mentor to Executive Women. I’ve always believed in the power of mentorship, and it was refreshing to have that reinforced recently – illustrated by these snatches of conversation a few nights ago at a wrap-up of the 2013 Mentor Program for Executive Women run by Kim McGuinness CEO of Network Central.

 “Things seemed to fall into place after meetings with my mentor, I’d be worried about what was happening, prepare to talk it through with my mentor and after talking it through – then in the next day or so – it just fell into place. I used to think learning came from books – it does and so much more comes from people”

“I’d prepare for catching up with my mentor, she’d draw out more information and my feelings, We’d plan the conversation, rehearse it. Then when I had the conversation – half the things I was worried would happen didn’t – it has made me think about the things I worry about in my life.  Most of the stuff I worried about never happened – what a waste – the mentoring has changed my outlook”

“As a mentor I saw the woman I was mentoring just going around in circles – so frustrating to watch. My job then was to listen to her talk to herself and ask her what was she looking for?”

The conversations alerted me to three powerful insights into mentoring:

  • Mentors ask questions that encourage those with whom they are working to talk about what is important to them
  • Practising conversations, or saying things out loud to another is critical – it would appear once people hear themselves saying something, they are more inclined to actually do it
  • Mentors only give advice when they are directly asked for it

Why get into a mentoring program? Here’s one reason.

I’ve talked with lots of people who comment that their conversations with themselves, their self-talk, the comments of their “internal committee” rarely change. The conversations are a lot like what happens at poor meetings – everyone says their set pieces, like lines in a bad play and nothing changes. If you find a mentor who delivers on the three insights above then you too might find that you can change your conversations with yourself by having them out loud with someone who listens and who every now and then asks you a question that disrupts your set piece.

Why not start now and find someone who needs a good listening to and – ask if you can listen?

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